Claiming your Freedom
Currently, there is an opportunity to attend a guided self understanding seminar- where you face your inner demons, fears and all the issues that stem from my past and release them so that they no longer hold me back- as I move toward a brand new start and going after my dreams without hesitation.
I can tell you, that ever since I decided to do this course, i have been experiencing A-ha moments and insights and the courage to voice and express what I kept quiet for so long.
The self esteem and confidence that has eluded me, is now something I am fighting for, as I begin to clearly see relationship dynamics that do NOT encourage the development of my self esteem. I had noticed certain patterns all my life, and never understood why they stood out to me. Now the pieces of the puzzle seem to be falling into place, as I choose to stop being a victim, and instead Volunteer to take the steps I need to take to become the person I want to be.
Have you ever noticed that certain situations seem to be a pattern in your life, even with different people in different situations? What if you were acting out a scenario that affected you as a child again and again? Would you like to find out the root of the issue so you doing have to go through deja vu?
As we grow up, certain events and situations we experience teach us 'lessons' that we apply to all similar situations that will pop up in our life. We categorize and label people and situations based on the very first event we experienced. Whether that first experience was a good one - or usually a painful or disappointing or traumatic- we assign a thought , belief and emotion that will determine how we act and what we say in every situation like it- from here until the end of time.
That is how we find ourselves in repetitive situations, or find people and or relationships that treat us the same way, and re-create the same cycle again and again in our lives- even though the players change, and the location changes- our original "lesson" or "belief" has created a blue print - or the 'dance steps' that we repeated follow with each new person that is similar in character as the original person ( or people) that we developed the first belief with.
This repetitive 'dance steps' becomes part of our baggage.
As we grow up, certain events and situations we experience teach us 'lessons' that we apply to all similar situations that will pop up in our life. We categorize and label people and situations based on the very first event we experienced. Whether that first experience was a good one - or usually a painful or disappointing or traumatic- we assign a thought , belief and emotion that will determine how we act and what we say in every situation like it- from here until the end of time.
That is how we find ourselves in repetitive situations, or find people and or relationships that treat us the same way, and re-create the same cycle again and again in our lives- even though the players change, and the location changes- our original "lesson" or "belief" has created a blue print - or the 'dance steps' that we repeated follow with each new person that is similar in character as the original person ( or people) that we developed the first belief with.
This repetitive 'dance steps' becomes part of our baggage.
What if you found out that certain sets of thoughts and actions you make cause this to happen, whether it is about bad relationships, lack of money, issues at work, self esteem , motivation, fears and a slew of other issues that plague us in life. If you could find out what is causing the issue- would you want to take steps to change it?
The biggest revelation that hits everyone at some point in their life, is that if they want to change their current situation, there are certain thoughts, attitudes and actions that they have, that will need to be changed. Not everyone is willing to make those changes, and so, they end up stuck in the same life and situations until they die.
The Choice is always ours to make. If we don't like the situation we are in- then change it. It is in our hands to do it. That is the Simple truth- it does take a lot of work, and can be very challenging- but very worth it. When you do the work to get rig of the baggage in your mind- you learn to permanently free yourself of that baggage.
In my situation, I have been working through issues of fear, self esteem, and toxic relationships. There are other issues but for the sake of time and space, I am only going to cover two of these.
Toxic Relationships;
One thing I have slowly been working on is how I let people treat me. The Treatment that you tolerate from people is how they learn how far and how harsh they can treat you- unless you demand from them respect from the very beginning.
Since a child, a low self esteem has left me feeling unworthy of love, and the result was always destroying my self-worth by doing anything and everything for people just to earn love. People got used to being treated like royalty by me- and instead of appreciating it, they abused it and expected to be treated like that all the time.
For the Longest time- what I did not realize was that I was setting myself up for being abused emotionally and used by so-called friends and family. There was a series of people in my life who did this.
It was not until into my twenties that I began to realize the negative relationship and the negative effects on my self esteem and happiness.
The hardest thing I had to do was cut myself off from the toxic relationships- especially when my attempts to communicate the problem and my need to change things, results in resistance or even more abusive treatment- in an attempt to keep you under their thumb.
It is absolutely unbelievable- the extent to which an abuser (physical or emotional) will try to keep their 'punching bag' close by. One thing I would never tolerate was physical abuse- the emotional abuse is harder to detect.
It is so subtle, and you barely realize that their comments are slowly cutting away at you, jabbing at you and flattening you at every turn. They push and impose their ideas, feelings and thoughts so that they bulldoze over you. Any time you try and express that you did not appreciate the words or actions- you are made to feel like you are being ridiculous. You are not allowed to stand up for yourself. These are just of the few things to watch out for.
The decision to cut the ties was unbelievably difficult. Ultimately I decided to look after myself, because if I did not- no one else would- and I would forever be a pawn for someone who just wanted to raise themselves up, by pushing me down.
In one case I had made attempts to discuss deepening our friendship. This person agreed, but would later shut me out, interpret my words, turn others against me, refuse to communicate, and berate or humiliate me every chance they got. Growth under these conditions was not going to be possible.
I thought long and hard. I agonized, because, I did not want to let go -but ultimately I decided to love and grow myself.
It is so subtle, and you barely realize that their comments are slowly cutting away at you, jabbing at you and flattening you at every turn. They push and impose their ideas, feelings and thoughts so that they bulldoze over you. Any time you try and express that you did not appreciate the words or actions- you are made to feel like you are being ridiculous. You are not allowed to stand up for yourself. These are just of the few things to watch out for.
The decision to cut the ties was unbelievably difficult. Ultimately I decided to look after myself, because if I did not- no one else would- and I would forever be a pawn for someone who just wanted to raise themselves up, by pushing me down.
In one case I had made attempts to discuss deepening our friendship. This person agreed, but would later shut me out, interpret my words, turn others against me, refuse to communicate, and berate or humiliate me every chance they got. Growth under these conditions was not going to be possible.
I thought long and hard. I agonized, because, I did not want to let go -but ultimately I decided to love and grow myself.
After cutting the ties; it was slow and difficult to rebuild the emotional cracks and Swiss cheese that was my self esteem, and confidence. The decision was a big step toward regaining my self esteem.
However , not all toxic relationships can be discarded as easily. I have a parent that discredits my feelings.
I am not angry about it, because I love this parent. I do try to communicate that what they do is hurting me or that some treatment is extremely and obviously unfair.
This person's response? " Oh you should not feel that way! Those feelings are wrong! Why do you interpret things so negatively?"
I have noticed that this parent, when I share my feelings about something that they did that is disturbing and hurting me, always tends to discredits and diminish any feelings of hurt as the result of their own action.
It occurred to me recently- that this pattern was significant, because they were dismissing my feelings.
when I confronted this person with this fact- again they said that I was interpreting things so negatively. I can understand and am aware of how interpretations can create a personal sympathy story. This is not one of those cases. Why? because certain reasoning does not add up and is one sided.
When confronted- this person says: " Well, I am just saying what I feel, and I have a right to say what I feel"
I then respond with; " yes that is true, so please tell me why- when I try to say what I feel, and exercise that right- you tell me I am wrong and should not be feeling that way???? Why are your feelings more valid or more important than mine?????"
.....silence.
Now at this point, getting them to agree is not necessary. Standing up for myself and making myself heard was a huge step forward and upward. Why? Because I am standing up for myself , expressing what I feel, and have finally gotten the person to listen.
I made my mark by achieving that alone! It doesn't matter if the person gets it ( or is too stubborn to get it).
Looking back, and seeing that I grew up with this manipulative reasoning, and as a result-I was always questioning and doubting myself ! After years of the same dance with this person- this one moment revealed the layout of the relationship and how it was playing out.
I do not hate this person, actually the opposite is true...I love them with all my heart. Now that I have seen and can recognize how the 'drama' or act normally plays out, I can now mentally step back form it and realize it for what it is. Once I see it ( the situation) for what it is- I can choose to change how I take part in it- or how I let it affect me. It will take a little time to be able to 'master' all the situations- but the results will come. The baggage slowly ( or quickly) gets left behind.
Then it hits me,.... I AM FREE!!!
Once I see it, I identify it, I get better at not letting it affect me; and then I CHOOSE a different outcome!
Working on yourself is so important. There have been things or beliefs within me that are holding me back from being all I can be, and reaching the potential I KNOW I have within me.
To me there is nothing more valuable that self development and self discovery of who you are and what your potential really is.
For now I am going to leave the topic as is. I will have to cover the other topics later.
Here, is to reaching YOUR full potential, so that you can reach all your dreams and Goals.
Hugs
Questa
However , not all toxic relationships can be discarded as easily. I have a parent that discredits my feelings.
I am not angry about it, because I love this parent. I do try to communicate that what they do is hurting me or that some treatment is extremely and obviously unfair.
This person's response? " Oh you should not feel that way! Those feelings are wrong! Why do you interpret things so negatively?"
I have noticed that this parent, when I share my feelings about something that they did that is disturbing and hurting me, always tends to discredits and diminish any feelings of hurt as the result of their own action.
It occurred to me recently- that this pattern was significant, because they were dismissing my feelings.
when I confronted this person with this fact- again they said that I was interpreting things so negatively. I can understand and am aware of how interpretations can create a personal sympathy story. This is not one of those cases. Why? because certain reasoning does not add up and is one sided.
When confronted- this person says: " Well, I am just saying what I feel, and I have a right to say what I feel"
I then respond with; " yes that is true, so please tell me why- when I try to say what I feel, and exercise that right- you tell me I am wrong and should not be feeling that way???? Why are your feelings more valid or more important than mine?????"
.....silence.
Now at this point, getting them to agree is not necessary. Standing up for myself and making myself heard was a huge step forward and upward. Why? Because I am standing up for myself , expressing what I feel, and have finally gotten the person to listen.
I made my mark by achieving that alone! It doesn't matter if the person gets it ( or is too stubborn to get it).
Looking back, and seeing that I grew up with this manipulative reasoning, and as a result-I was always questioning and doubting myself ! After years of the same dance with this person- this one moment revealed the layout of the relationship and how it was playing out.
I do not hate this person, actually the opposite is true...I love them with all my heart. Now that I have seen and can recognize how the 'drama' or act normally plays out, I can now mentally step back form it and realize it for what it is. Once I see it ( the situation) for what it is- I can choose to change how I take part in it- or how I let it affect me. It will take a little time to be able to 'master' all the situations- but the results will come. The baggage slowly ( or quickly) gets left behind.
Then it hits me,.... I AM FREE!!!
Once I see it, I identify it, I get better at not letting it affect me; and then I CHOOSE a different outcome!
Working on yourself is so important. There have been things or beliefs within me that are holding me back from being all I can be, and reaching the potential I KNOW I have within me.
To me there is nothing more valuable that self development and self discovery of who you are and what your potential really is.
For now I am going to leave the topic as is. I will have to cover the other topics later.
Here, is to reaching YOUR full potential, so that you can reach all your dreams and Goals.
Hugs
Questa
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