FREEDOM! of the past

OMG!  this is strange!
The world is wondrous, and when I look at it, all i do is look at it. I feel no need to judge it or define it, and my mind is free of the mental chatter that constantly used to do just that. I watch the world and feel peace and a calmness that tells me that what is out there does not define me. I define me.

I just took part in an intensive 3 day course to help get rid of whatever was holding me back. Going in was scary- because I did not know what I was going to face about myself. The experience was amazing..

The course I took was the Landmark forum. It is self-education on the subconscious level. Let me put it this way,  have you ever noticed that you do things that you know are going to come out wrong- but you do it anyway?  Like provoking your loved ones, and doing and saying what you KNOW is going to set them off, or why you keep attracting the same type of partner just to go through the same old drama you had promised your self you would never do again?  Do you want to know why you do it? This course helps you get to the root of all the stuff that truly makes you who you are- and you find out that you really are not as bad as you think you are- and neither is the rest of the world.
 Once you get all the crap from the past cleared out, you learn how to LEAVE it in the past. What does this mean?  It means not letting the events of the past affect what you do, think and say in the present, or in the future.  You let go of hurt, pain , fears, resentments, dramas, anger, suffering, and all the other stuff that holds us back from being all that we can be.

What have I learned about myself?

I have learned that I spend way too much time imagining stories and dramas about what other people are thinking about me. Most people are doing the exact damn thing- worrying about what people think about them. It is a waste of time, and ultimately, what you do in genuinely and authentically, does not matter what others think. And stop wasting your time trying to decipher what others are thinking.

I have learned that I have spent too much time blaming others instead of owning the fact that what I do and what I say is a result of my actions.  Instead of throwing blame on others, i am growing up and being responsible for what I contribute to any situation. This takes courage, and I learn I have the courage within.

I have learned that part of taking responsibility, is owing my own power and potential.  I have been making my self small and insignificant so i would not have to be responsible on a greater scale.  I have been afraid of the power that is within me,  and it was easier to be insignificant than it is to be powerful and responsible.

On a similar note- recognizing the power you are capable of , sometimes the success scares you more than the failure does, because you don't have to live up to expectations, or face the possibility of failure on the journey to you success.

I learned that any trauma that I experienced in the past, happened and can not be changed. I c an forgive myself for 'letting it happen"  or for 'not knowing that it should not have happened', or 'for making a mistake I did not know at the time was a bad idea." and for 'bad choices made".  Sometimes all it takes is to stop beating yourself up, and forgive yourself. These events served as a growing experience, and if you learned from it and changed things, or your behaviour or way of doing things, then holding on to the self punishment and destructive thinking just will not let you move forward. If you forgive yourself, you can leave it behind you. If you don't forgive the past, or your part in it; then you are forever ( yes FOREVER) going to be dragging it around with you mentally and emotionally.  It will just continuously drain the energy from you.
 kind of like a car dragging around a trailer. The trailer will cause wind drag, slow you down, and the strain on the car motor will eventually burn out the engine.  Let it go before you get burned out.

I learned that forgiving someone, can give you closure and peace, even if they don't want to give you forgiveness. If you forgive the incident or person, and yourself for having hung on to the resentment, you will find a sweet freedom that you never felt before. Whether the other person forgives you or not, does not matter. YOU have let it go. and that is all that matters. That person  can never affect you ever again.

I learned that speaking up and clearing up any issues immediately can close the issue then and there so you don't carry any anger or resentment into the future as more baggage.

I learned that more people than you realize have the same or similar issues, and in that sense we are really all connected. When you share with people, they will support you, understand you and are not out to get you. There really are good people out in the world.

I learned that any judgements or beliefs that i have about someone- actually reflects more about what I am like than what other people are like.  What we see in others, is our issues being projected onto others.

I learned the power of the words we speak and the thoughts we have. If you keep your word and honour your words then you begin to love, value and trust yourself. If you want to be considered a person of integrity, make sure your actions and words are of integrity.

 I learned that everyone is going through stresses and issues all the time and everyone needs to experience compassion.

I did learn a lot more than that. It was an amazing experience and I became part of a new community with the people in that group. There was a unique sense of family, and I am grateful for everyone there for their loving support, and for helping me heal by sharing their own stories.

I am moving forward into the new present and the future with all the possibilities I can create for myself. I feel free and peaceful, and a sense of excitement for all that is to come.
the possibilities are endless!

Here is to possibilities and peace for all of you!

~ Questa