A Higher Love

Creating a new Level of Love- consciously.

I decided to expand on the previous post about Mutual love- because there are so many aspects to relationships. This is the expanded version. - And by all means not complete.

If you have found this randomly- then you are meant to read it and are at a point that it is the right  time for this to be revealed and Understood.  

As always, I trust that the loving force of the Universe brings the right people to this page, to read and get something they need from it. Trust and let the circumstances unfold.

This year, I want to change what has been My experience with relationships.  I want to relate to all people an a different and  higher level, of love, trust and joy that comes from being authentically me.

To do this I must be Honest.  More than I have been. 

This is scary,.. it means being real. It means being vulnerable.  Its been a long time since I have trusted enough to feel safe enough to be really vulnerable.

In the case of being open to a new level of intimacy and love relationship, I must be willing to allow freedom of choice to be a part of the equation. Why?

 In a mutual relationship, when the choice is made to be with someone- a peace settles into the heart of each, and the exploration and discover on deeper levels begins to unfold as they two begin to evolve and know each other on many intimate levels. Why is this? Because the commitment is set by the choosing to be a part of a connection with someone- and nurture that connection.

Through my Observations, I have noticed that For some people, it is not love- but a goal to reach, or a trophy to obtain, or a way to appear to belong or be a part of something socially acceptable. For others it is the hunt or conquest that they are after- and then the trophy.

Yet, it seems so superficial to me,… and I have to wonder, is the true experience of love is lost on them?

I  have seen and heard of people that  manipulate, lie and deceive to get the relationship with a specific person.  Some even go as far as to plan a series of events to have the subject’s current relationship fall apart under false pretenses, so that they can move in to take the place of the partner.

 Don’t they realize that they are setting up the relationship to be DOOMED from the beginning?

Even if that person is already in a relationship that you see will not end well- let them come to the decision on their own, otherwise they will go back to the first relationship, or simply resent you from that moment forward.

 Anything born of control, deceit, manipulation, insecurity and desperation is only going to breed more of the same.

One such example is a bone of contention with me. It is when women or family pressure a man to commit to marriage before he may be ready for it.  

Why is this a problem?  Simple.  It is because you will always wonder if he is thinking of leaving. Deep down your know there was deceit, and you will always wonder how long you can keep the illusion going with the subject in question.

   When that person - in this case the person that has not made the decision or move-  comes to the decision on their own- that you are the one they want  to spend the rest of his life with, you will know they mean it.  If you did manipulate or push- or even give an ultimatum,.. your mind will never rest- and your insecurities will surface at every insignificant gesture- wondering if he/she does not love  you any more.  It was purely their desire and Love that directed them to take the decision.

This is super significant. Their Choice to be with you, will create a sense of peace and confidence in your heart. If you pushed for the result you wanted- you will always be wondering if your partner is going to get sick of the situation and leave.

 If you did manipulate or push- or even give an ultimatum,.. your mind will never rest- and your insecurities will surface at every insignificant gesture- wondering if he/she does not love  you anymore.

I have seen others manipulate or pressure the situation to get to the point in the relationship they really want-without finding out whether their partner is ready for the next step or not.

The relationship is about the two people involved- Not just the wishes or desires of one. Again, a one sided relationship will not have a strong foundation.

**A side note here:  there are some relationships in which it appears one sided because one partner always concedes to the other- however; in some cases, the person conceding knows with all their heart that their partner already takes their wishes, desires and best interests into consideration from the start. Although it may appear One-sided, there is actually a mutual trust, love and respect present. **

There is a quote that says-

"when you love something- set it free. If it comes back to you it is yours, if it does not it never was."

You must give a person the freedom to choose. Their mutual choice will create more of a sense of satisfaction than anything you ever knew.

 Love is an amazing state to be in.  Being in that state with someone else is divine connection. Love is the mutual and natural flow of respect, admiration, tenderness, intimacy, communication, understanding- just to name a few.  It is something that most people strive to be a part of.

Seriously,  How aware are we of the fact that we are dealing with other individuals?  How many of us actually take the time to really see the individual before us and really appreciate them for their uniqueness?

To some degree, I believe some people got so caught  up in the act of getting it- or a prized person, that they forgot about what love is actually about... it is a state of being- not having.

 If we try to make it conform to our comfort levels- we complete diminish the true experience of Love.

We cheapen and lessen what the real experience is all about.

Love is about Connection

Why? The connection is important and you would not want to lose that. Connection is built on the foundation of love, respect, and communication, some sacrifice, and effort building the relationship together. Having communication with someone where putting and discussing each one's expectations and mutual ideas about how they want to relate to one another- ensures that Each relationship built would be unique- and a direct reflection of both people involved.  When each putting forth the effort and discussion that helps to mutually define  the terms of relating, that agreement and sharing of each other’s expectations, hopes dreams and preferences, are the mortar that helps to build a solid relationship.  The act of mutually communicating and defining the relationship is crucially important.

No person should ever be pushed or manipulated into something-Especially when it comes to love.  Why?  Because it is forced- and anything forced has tension surrounding it. Tension usually needs to be released.

It would have more Value if the person Came to the conclusion or choice on their own.  If someone does not feel the same way- it is a different relationship- It is not whole. Plus, there would always be the insecurity of the other person or ‘victim’ going against the Influence that took place. The insecurity and the tension would always be present.

.   

Allowing someone the space to come to the decision on their own takes patience, compassion and love. Yes,  patience. To allow someone to discover for themselves what you mean to them, brings about the sweetest blessing in the form of peace and confidence you have knowing that it came straight from their heart.

Of course, like anything, there are limits as to what you should accept- this is important for your own self worth and self respect.

However,  one word of caution. If the person is not making a move toward that discovery and has you in a perpetual or constant 'holding pattern',  then move on. You must have the self respect to know- that if after a reasonable amount of time they still do not see the amazing person you are, and want to be with you- you must let them go. Move on. They are on a personal agenda that does not consider your desires. They will not open their heart to you fully like you deserve.

I have known a person who was engaged for 10 years, and were dating for 6 years before that. Their partner was not willing to commit- instead was keeping her around for his benefit only- not hers. This was unacceptable.

As painful as it is to do, you must move on and leave behind the idea of mutual love with this person.  They do not want to commit and will always keep you at arms-length never allowing you to get close enough for a satisfying or loving connection. You deserve to be loved and have someone commit to you to develop and grow with you on a level of intimacy that includes the heart, the mind, soul and the body.

Stand up for yourself and face the pain and go through it. If you committed your heart to someone that did not commit to you, move on. Allow yourself to experience the pain of letting go of something you had invested in. You will develop a stronger self confidence if you stand up and show that you will not waste you time with someone who does not respect you, take you seriously and only wants to play games.

If you do not let go and move your heart on, they will continue to toy with you and your emotions, holding that power over you and controlling you.

Love them for the lesson they provided and release them, otherwise you will face a constant roller-coaster of emotions

Please note, when you leave, it they decide at that point to 'promise to commit', DO NOT believe it. It is only a ploy to keep you waiting. Take back your control and walk away. You gave them a chance, and they did not take it. Trust me on this.

So whether it is someone trying to force their own wants on another by manipulation to commitment, OR someone who refuses to fully commit to the relationship. That is when there are forces of manipulation at work.

Only one person is getting what they want, and not the other. It is the basis for an unhealthy relationship.

To get better understand, you will need to see WHY you are trying to manipulate the situation.  Why do you need to have this person at ALL cost?  Why do you want to disregard and disrespect their ability to choose?  Why is your need  more important than what they want for themselves?  What gives you the right to override their wants dreams and goals?

If you are only out to get what you want- and are not willing to work together in a relationship, then you are too selfish to be in a relationship. You are not out for real love- but only out for your own needs. You don't have respect for your partner, and if that is the case- the relationship is doomed from the beginning.

Just a few things to consider.

Some rules I put together in regards to Love;

1)     Start with a friendship- this person is a type of best friend. Someone you can trust and share special moments with. Nurture it, and grow it, and it will grow through discovery and experience to new levels.

2)     Treat each other with respect. You are an individual and they are an individual. Each person brings something unique to the table in experience, expression, qualities and joy (just to name a few aspects) Whatever happens, learn from them, grow with them- and be the best person you can be. This is an opportunity to discover who you are on a different level- and what qualities they bring out in you.

3)     Be open and communicative. Your happiness and the other persons’ depends on the communication between you two. Share and discuss what you each want and decide and share plans on how to achieve that.  Create and  explore the  relationship together in all aspects of discovery it involves.  Everyone involved should be there to take part and because they want to be. Period.

4)     Be Honest. You let go of anxiety, and you know where you stand. Because  I would rather deal with Truth than delusion. Deal with direct straight forward communication. Until I get to know someone better and their way of communicating, I can't afford to 'read between the lines' until then.  Anyway, living a lie takes more energy and leaves you exhausted.  Love is meant to be enjoyed and bliss full,..not stressful.

5)      It is not about you only. A relationship is about two people. Each person has to be taken into account and respected- as they are.

6)     Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, try to change someone. Change is something a person chooses to do themselves. You try to change someone you have control issues. You are not appreciating them for who they are. I can bet your reasons for wanting the relationship are all wrong. This rule breaks rules 1,2,3,4&5- and 7.

7)     Allow space for personal expression. Each person including yourself needs to be able to express who they are, and be happy with themselves. Any attempt to suppress or control or change something about them with lead to stress, resentment, anger, tension, frustration, and all the things you don’t want in a relationship.

8)     Learn as much as you can about your partner. It is part of Loving them and growing deeper and deeper in intimacy and love with them. Anyone who stops learning and appreciating their partner becomes stagnant and comfortable, and the relationship starts to lose its magic, love and spark. The magic is in the constant discovery of the person you love, and as you grow together and redefine yourselves, the discovery never stops.

9)     There will be challenges and difficulties with each other.Any difficulties you discuss between each other first and foremost. Not with to your friends and family. If you one person as a confidant, then only share with them after attempting a discussion with your partner - and hopefully it is someone who can be objective and cover the truth from both sides. A confidant should only be a last resort.

10) Support and back each other up. You are a team. Have each other’s backs. You should always stand united, because united you are stronger .Whatever one goes through, the other experiences and helps the them through it.

11) Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect- including yourself.  Have compassion and be forgiving, as you would want to be considered if you were in the other’s shoes. Once you forgive- let it go and don’t keep throwing it in their face in future arguments. MOST OF ALL make the effort to learn from your mistake and do better for the next time.

12)Be generous with your love, and affection. Let your partner know how important they are to you. Usually the smallest details say the most, because it was in the little details or actions that showed that you thought of them during the course of the day.

13) Have the partnership stand for something bigger than yourselves.  Have a purpose beyond the two of you, that the relationship grows toward accomplishing together as a goal and with satisfaction.

14)  Be trustworthy and create a safe space where each of you can be vulnerable without repercussions. Everyone needs to let go of the reigns from time to time and be vulnerable. Allow them to do that, just as you would want them to do for you. Never betray that trust.

15) Respecting and and recognizing and individual's uniqueness in expression and choice. When give the other the space to be and express themselves in the unfolding of who they are, you give up any attachment when you realize that if you were to try to control, influence or suppress that natural self discovery of anyone- then you are hindering the natural unfolding or expression and self discovery of a person.
Having been chosen to be a part of their self discovery and expression is a huge gift. They have already chosen you to be an influence in their life- just by being and expressing your OWN self.
 When it is time to move on, to a new level of self expression, you are able to release them knowing that the unique expression of who they are becoming - will be hindered if you don't let them move on. And the same applies to your growth and self expression.
 To hinder someone from their self discovery would be the equivalent of wearing the same shoes you wore as an 8 year old,.. and ending up with deformed feet from the restriction and constraints of an out definition your feet have outgrown.
 Give everyone the space to make the choices that suit them, and you will have helped them in their growth. You are invested  in a way that add and enrich each other. The respect and recognition of the uniqueness of an individual can take you to a level where you each enrich the others life of what your relationship and interactions create, and you allow another person to fully be themselves.

This is my opinion, based on observations of the real world.

There is so much more  to cover on the topic of love,.. I will update and I go along.

Here is to a new level of LOVE in 2013.

~Q

Choosing to Love.

In a mutual relationship, when the choice is made to be with someone- a peace settles into the heart of each, and the exploration and discover on deeper levels begins to unfold as they two begin to evolve and know each other on many intimate levels. Why is this? Because the commitment is set by the choosing to be a part of a connection with someone- and nurture that connection.

For some people, it is not love- but a goal to reach, or a trophy to obtain, or a way to appear to belong or be a part of something socially acceptable. For some it is the hunt or conquest.
Yet the true experience of love is lost on them.


Love is an amazing state to be in.  Being in that state with someone else is divine connection. Love is the mutual and natural flow of respect, admiration, tenderness, intimacy, communication, understanding- just to name a few.  It is something that most people strive to be a part of.

I have seen others manipulate or pressure the situation to get to the point in the relationship they really want- without finding out whether their partner is ready for the next step or not.
One such example is a bone of contention with me. It is when women or family pressure a man to commit to marriage before he may be ready for it.  Why is this a problem?  Simple.  It is because if you have to make him choose- you will always wonder if he is going to change his mind or think of leaving.  When someone - in this case the person subject of desire comes to the decision that you are the one they want  to spend the rest of his life with, you will know they mean it.  When a person was not coaxed, tricked, trapped, pushed or manipulated into the situation, you know It was purely their desire and Love that directed them to take the decision.
This is super significant. Their Choice to be with you, will create a sense of peace and confidence in your heart. If you pushed for the result you wanted- you will always be wondering if your partner is going to get sick of the situation and leave.
 If you did manipulate or push- or even give an ultimatum,.. your mind will never rest- and your insecurities will surface at every insignificant gesture- wondering if he/she does not love  you any more.

There is a saying that says-
"when you love something- set it free. If it comes back to you it is yours, if it does not it never was."
You must give a person the freedom to choose. Their mutual choice will create more of a sense of satisfaction than anything you ever knew.

Sometimes having the patience to allow someone to discover for themselves what you mean to them, brings about the sweetest blessing in the peace and confidence you have knowing that it came straight from their heart.
However, one word of caution. If the person is not making a move toward that discovery and has you in a perpetual or constant 'holding pattern',  then move on. You must have the self respect to know- that if after a reasonable amount of time they still do not see the amazing person you are, and want to be with you- you must let them go. Move on. They will not open their heart to you fully like you deserve.
I have known a person who was engaged for 10 years, and were dating for 8 years before that. Their partner was not willing to commit- instead was keeping her around for his benefit only- not hers.
Stand up for yourself and face the pain and go through it. If you committed your heart to someone that did not commit to you, move on. Allow yourself to experience the pain of letting go of something you had invested in. You will develop a stronger self confidence if you stand up and show that  you will not waste you time with someone who only wants to play games.

 As painful as it is to do, you must move on and leave behind the idea of mutual love with this person.  They do not want to commit and will always keep you at arms-length never allowing you to get close enough for a satisfying or loving connection. You deserve to be loved and have someone commit to you to develop and grow with you on a level of intimacy that includes the heart, the mind, soul and the body.
If you do not let go and move your heart on, they will continue to toy with you and your emotions, holding that power over you and controlling you.
Love them for the lesson they provided and release them, otherwise you will face a constant roller-coaster of emotions
Please note, when you leave, if they decide at that point to 'promise to commit', DO NOT believe it. It is only a ploy to keep you waiting. Take back your control and walk away. You gave them a chance, and they did not take it. Trust me on this.

So whether it is someone trying to force their wants on another by manipulation to commitment- OR someone who refuses to  fully commit to the relationship, there are forces of manipulation at work.
Only one person is getting what they want, and not the other. It is the basis for an unhealthy relationship.

To better understand, you will need to see WHY you are trying to manipulate the situation.  Why do you need to have this person at ALL cost?  Why do you want to disregard and disrespect their ability to choose?  Why is your need  more important than what they want for themselves? Have you taken or forsaken the other person's desires or needs? Is one person sacrificing more than the other?  Is there form of balance- or an imbalance? What gives you the right to override their wants dreams and goals?

If you are only out to get what you want- and are not willing to work together in a relationship, then you are too selfish to be in a relationship. You are not out for real love- but only out for your own needs. You don't have respect for your partner, and if that is the case- the relationship is doomed from the beginning.

 Just a few things to consider.

This is my opinion, based on observations of the real world.
.

~ Q

The Lesson of the Mayonnaise Jar

This story has been kicking around on the internet- from person to person for several years now- and has always been one of my favourites in the lesson of priorities- AND perception.  I hope you enjoy.

The Lesson of the Mayonnaise Jar

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Choose your priorities wisely.

With Love and respect;

 ~ Q

The Price of Being Strong

The Price of being strong.          


   When you feel uncertain or scared, there are those people that seem to know what they are    
   doing, and always bring a sense of safety and peacefulness to any situation.  You always 
   go to them when you need guidance or direction on something happening in your life.  You 
   know they will listen to you, give insight or an opinion and would never steer you wrong, 
   because they care.
   
   Everyone has someone in their life that is a ROCK in whom then can trust and get support 
   like no one else. They offer strength to friends, family and community, when those people 
   they care about feel lost, weak, scared, confused or unsure.  Who do you know in your life 
   that is that Rock? There is usually someone that pops into your mind right away. If you 
   have more than one you are truly blessed.

    I highly recommend that you never take them for granted. Learn from them. Follow their 
    lead on how to approach challenges and how they view and deal with situations in life.  
   Learn from their example, and apply it to you life. 

   WHY?
   Simple.  As Much as they are a blessing in your life- they are there to show you how to 
   become that person of strength for YOURSELF. There will come a time when you will have 
   to rely on your own strength, knowledge and confidence to get you through whatever 
   challenge you face, and perhaps your own friends and family will rely on you for your help 
   and support. Many Strong people end up becoming towers of strength – or cornerstones in 
   their communities.

    These people are strong because they most likely have gone through and endured 
   something difficult in their lives,  that has helped forge them and become stronger and 
   tougher- and seemingly impervious to the turmoil happening around them. They have 
   learned what is worth worrying about and what is only a waste of time, and thus zero in on 
   what needs to be addressed without the distractions to cloud their vision.
   
    By this same way they have gained understanding and vision of something better, ( having 
   learned what they DO NOT want through their experience) and are constantly striving for 
   that which is better.
   They have done the time and the work through a lot of suffering to get to that point. If you 
   want to be strong, you have to be willing to do the same. Having a person like this in your 
   life who can show you through their example and through their guidance how to navigate 
   the challenges you face so that you can also know how to eventually be strong enough to 
   handle those challenges on your own.

   You cannot be strong without facing pain. You must also face your fears. It is that simple. 
   Strength is the badge of pain and suffering endured and overcome.  It can’t be added with a 
   holster, fists or intimidating words.  Strength is a part of who you are, and no one can take 
   that away from you once it has been forged into your soul.

   Be aware that everything strong must also have the flexibility to be able to adapt and move 
   with the flow- especially when the stress is high.  Anything that is inflexible will crack 
   under extreme pressures.  Even skyscrapers must be able to have the flexibility to deal 
   with the high winds and slightest earth movements.  Cities built in earthquake zones have 
   learned the importance of this.

    This also applies to these people in our lives that create that security and sense of peace 
    in the certainty and confidence that they have.  However, there are times that they do feel 
   afraid or nervous. Everybody feels that. The difference is whether you are able to  push 
   past the fear, make the decision and do what needs to be done.

   However, every strong person does have their vulnerable moments, or even needs to be 
   able to have moments where they are NOT required to be strong,  and just be for a brief 
   moment – free of the responsibility.  Those moments help to create some balance in our 
   lives.
   Life continues to challenge everyone, and as we grow on different levels of awareness, we 
   also go through the cycle of feeling scared or uncertain in the moments at the very 
   beginning of new growth and understanding.  Strong people work through it. Occasionally 
   they need to allow themselves to be vulnerable in front of another.  They just need to be 
   heard and release some of the stress they have been under. Everyone needs to be albel to 
   let go and not have to be ‘strong’ from time to time.
   
    It is like expecting your body to be awake and active everyday of your life without any 
   rest or recovery. If there is no down time, there will be a breakdown and disintegration of 
   -the system or organism.  The same thing applies to our mental and spiritual health.
    When people rely on you, it is a huge responsibility, and usually those people will not 
   "accept” if you to show any vulnerability.  A few mistakenly see vulnerability as a 
   weakness.
   What they don’t realize is that a leader who can show some vulnerability, is able to 
   connect and bond more closely with the people he leads.  When they can relate to you 
   they feel closer to you.  When they feel closer to you, there is a greater sense of 
   community and loyalty.



  ( UNofficial) rules to being a strong person ( based on observation)
   1.    Need to have suffered and endured a lot- learning and growing from each and every
         experience.

   2.   You  Need to be willing to face pain and anything that scares you. It is through this
         experience that you gain self confidence, courage and begin to gain mastery over your
         fears  that have kept you prisoner for so long.

   3.   Through the process you need to be honest with yourself and really get to know 
       yourself. Why you do things and what and how your tend to act or react. This is a 
       necessary step to  get out of old fearful habits so that you can grow and learn what you 
       need to.

   4.  Have Compassion and to be willing to help others. Know that people will naturally flock to 
       you for help. Make sure you help them to learn how to become independently strong. They 
       need to be their own source of strength.

   5.   As great as it is to be trusted and relied on- there will come a point when people will 
       become dependent on your strength and begin to have a draining effect.  Recognize it 
       and put a stop to it. If you don’t you run the risk of a developing an unhealthy co-
      dependent relationship

   6.   Make sure you have time for your own rest and recovery. You will need time for 
       yourself. If you do not set that time aside you can easily get lost ans wrapped up in 
       helping everyone else- and losing yourself along the way.

    7.  Realize that you will need time to be vulnerable.  If your source of strength has a 
       moment of vulnerability, it is not a sign of weakness,.. it is a sign that they you are 
       human and also need support.  Give it to yourself.  Support and be there for them (those 
       that are strong) and listen to them as they have given you listening and support. Never 
       betray a person’s moment of vulnerability.  They will never betray yours. They have 
       also given you a space to be vulnerable, give them the same privilege. 

    8.  Have someone you trust, so you can be able to let go of the reigns from time to time, 
       and know you are in good confidence and are loved and respected by them.

    9.  You need to understand and be aware, that through the WHOLE process (including
        the moments of low points as well as high points) that you are working toward
       something unique and well worth the struggle. Namely a better stronger you.
       NEVER GIVE UP!!

    10. You will have to learn to love yourself, and forgive yourself, and in doing so you will 
       find love, compassion and empathy for others.

    11. When you make a decision, stick to it.  Making a decision will take weighing the 
       optionscarefully- of course. Once you have made your decision, you make it because
       you believe it is the best choice for this situation- AND you are also aware of, and 
       willing to accept the consequences that come with that decision. Your decisiveness
       shows conviction and certainty, and that you will not back down when you believe it 
        is right.

    12. Being human, you will make mistakes.  Own up to them. Never pass the blame to 
       someone else. You earn respect if you show that you will stand your ground and be 
       accountable.

    13. Be willing to take it ALL on and take it all as it comes- the good, the bad and the ugly. 
       Know that there will be challenges. There will be tests that push you past your limits. 
       Just know that all of it is going to make you a stronger you. You don't have to know 
       HOW, you just have to know that it will.

    14. There will be many, many, many times that you will want to quit. Remember that you 
       chose to go the long haul for this. Remember that anything worth attaining is worth all 
       the pain and suffering endured.

    15. People  will lack the understanding you have gained, and will fight you on certain 
        issues. Be prepared for it. and remember what it was like to be in that position. Always 
        treat people with respect as you would want someone to treat you with respect if the 
        roles were reversed.

    16.  It can be lonely.  Not many people endure or reach this level of strength &confidence,
       or even standards or possibly ethics when you stand for something.  Finding few
       people that can discuss on a different level of understanding, issues or topic- and even
       understand your reasoning for the choices or sacrifices made. 

    17. It takes discipline.  This is huge.  Reaching different levels and goals and your 
       achievements- does take a lot of commitment and discipline. 


   I could probably elaborate more on some, and may in the coming weeks, and will probably 
   post more as I notice more character traits come forth from the strong people.

   Wishing you a happy holiday season.

   All My Love;

       ~  Q

December 21,2012-NOT the end

It is Not the end-  But rather a new beginning.

I know the media and so many religious groups are trying to drill it into our heads that the "END" is near, and there is going to be sudden apocalyptic evens happening.
Please remember that the same was said for Y2K - the year 2000 was going to be marked by devastating chaos and mayhem. The only thing that happened is that some people turned purple or passed out from holding their breath in anticipation of something that did not come.  sheesh.

Why is so much fear and panic being pushed and promoted?  Ever wonder Why?
Has anyone ever notices that when the fear arises, so do products that promise something to protect you from whatever makes you fearful,  and thus so do the sales and profit that grows in relation to the amount of fear you feel.   Just be aware of it, watch for it,.. and then you can stop panicking and actually make a calm rational decision or look for another possibility.
 I am not bringing this up to discuss how the population is controlled by fear, that is another topic for another day. I bring this up to bring awareness to the source of the fear, and to consider where we are getting our information from.
If you realize why fear and pandemonium are being spread, you are less likely to become caught up in it and can think with more clarity and calmness.

Now, if I remember correctly the Mayan calendar referred to the end of a cycle. The date stopped on December 21,2012.  Consider this.  if someone got their hands of a 2012 calendar in April 2012 and saw the calendar only went to December 31, 2012  would it make sense to assume that the world was gonna end on that day? Our Calenders cycle  12 months- the Mayans had several calendars - one cycle covered a  26000 year span of time (Their calendar actually has smaller cycles within larger cycles).  Much like the yearly calendar within the 1900's date line. Why would someone make such a drastic interpretation of the Mayan Calendar?   How do we know there is not another 'new' Mayan calendar for the next 26000 year cycle- kicking around waiting to be discovered? Just one of many possibilities.

I am also aware that many people have been watching the turmoil in the world ( whether it be environmental, economic, social or political and ethical) and have been sounding the "Apocalyptic bell" at every occurrence that surfaces.
 Please be aware of something very important. Whenever there is a growth, there is disruption and discomfort. I am sure many of you have heard the term 'Growing pains'.
Change is  part of life, and it is a part of growth as well. If something stops growing, it is dead.

Facing change and growth, it is crucial to be aware of what changes are occurring, so that you can understand the best way to adapt to it.  If you resist it you will only cause the change to be more difficult and traumatic ( see my last post). As you notice what is changing, learn how to adapt.

Think of  the Birth process, or a toddler that is teething, it is a necessary pain or discomfort that signals the next stage in life.

Now, what the Earth is going through, is something very similar. For too long there has been an imbalance caused by us. We have taken the earth for granted and treated her like a dead object to be used and manipulated at our will.  We have been seeing the effects of our own careless, selfish and thoughtless actions.

 The Earth is a living entity that is made up of the same molecules we are made up of-  or visa versa. The Lava is her  blood, the trees and vegetation are her lungs, the wind her breath, the ocean and lakes her tears, the surface or crust is her skin, the core is her heart and all the living creatures on it are part of this Harmonious, symbiotic and wondrous relationship of this entity known as Earth.  Except for humans. The creatures thought to be the most intelligent have been mistreating and abusing her.

So, there comes a point, when the Earth must act for her own survival, and re-adjust something in her life to
create the harmonious balance she needs to be at her optimum health.  Must Like you would ensure  proper exercise and diet to create a healthy lifestyle change.

So for the last few years adjustments have been happening ,..some slowly, some suddenly. The changes will happen- whether they happen  now or in 10 years,... we have to be prepared to adapt.  The more you can adapt and go with the flow- the better you will be able to navigate the the situations that arise in our lives and in the world.
If you resist- you are only going to get exhausted by going against the current. This is what most of us do!!  I include myself in that, because it is a learning process and I sometimes fall back into old patterns until I realize I am going upstream. When I catch myself, I reset my thinking and remind myself to be adaptable to the challenge in front of me.
When you accept and look at the whole issue- you open yourself to seeing the whole  picture- or the bigger picture- and that opens avenues to possibilities you may not have been able to see if you were stuck in one street or groove that you insist must be the only way.

There is are cycles in life, beginnings and endings, and everything continues on in a different form or way of existing. But Life goes on. It continues on in a different way. That is all.
The question is, what are you doing to be ready and willing to adapt to this or any other changes?  Are  you ready to make adjustments?  If not - WHY NOT?

I realize that we all feel difference degrees of apprehension when it comes to change. That is normal, because we are heading into the unknown. Whether you feel apprehension, nervousness, fear or a sense of adventure, always remember that there is a lesson in the process, and not to miss it.
Personally, 'wearing' a sense of adventure usually has the best results for me.
If you feel fear. Don't ignore it. Be aware of it, know that it is a normal reaction when you face something unknown, and go forward with courage and curiosity. Don't assume everything is bad  just because it is an unknown or something uncertain to you.
 Get to know when you fear is based on irrational ideas, and when it is based on gut feeling. That is why it is important to be aware of the fear when you first feel it. That takes practice, and development- like you would exercise any muscle to get stronger.

So whatever comes in the coming weeks, months and years,  be ready by being adaptable, and ready to approach any unknown situation in a way where you fear is not controlling you.
Don't waste energy by letting fear and panic to overtake you, or resisting the change- find a way to adapt.


Here is to rising above the challenges, and riding the surf of change to the distant shore of life.
happy surfing.

~Q

Adaptability- the Real skill of Survival and success

I wanted to share what came up for me after having listened to this discussion with Eckhart Tolle. (1 hr)

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6Umg4RfQx0&feature=share

With all that has been going on in the world, the one thing that is persistent and in the forefront is the sense of uncertainty of what is to come.

As humans, we have gone from being Nomads to being farmers, and then we seem to have planted ourselves and grown roots deep in the illusion of control of our surroundings and having things very predictably safe and problem free.  The comfort of knowing what we can expect has done us more harm than good. We have stopped really living and have gone into Automatic pilot.

The strength and power is NOT in the assets accumulated,  the safety guards put in place, the back up plans, the people that answer to you, or being in control of all.  The illusion of this situation is the egotistical belief that the universe will always bend and mould itself to your needs and whims.  That is capricious and selfish and obtuse. You close yourself off to the real opportunities and possibilities that life has to offer.  Sometimes the best things in life are things we never knew or conceived of.  So to try and hold control over everything is limiting everything in your life.

The REAL strength and power is in the ability to be adaptable in any situation. 

Resistance to what is currently happening is not being open to the possibilities surrounding the challenge- because you are stuck with the idea it should be a certain way.  When you realize that the current situation is a challenge

“Life is difficult.  Once you know it is difficult, it is no longer difficult.”( Excerpt from “The Road Less Travelled” by Scott M Peck)  The paradox is in accepting that there are going to be challenges to face and in being aware that challenges will come- you are ready mentally and in emotionally, to face whatever comes.

Having the belief that life should be easy, is simply not being in a frame of mind to deal with anything else but what you want to deal with.  Since life is about change and growth, you are simply going to make things infinitely more difficult for yourself.

The distinction between ‘your life’ and ‘your life situation’ is super important.

The LIFE you are, is the essence of who you are, the presence or awareness that is playing this game called ‘life situation or Life path’.  The ’student’ if you will.

The ‘Life situation’ is the experience or set of events or obstacle course that the ‘Life’ or ‘awareness’ is experiencing.  It is like the course or lesson you have chosen to study by the choices you have made in life. Each choice you make opens specific life paths/ doors or options in line with what your choices are. The life path is usually chosen in the moment to moment decisions. Each lesson gives us tools and skills to adapt to the situation. Are you finding and using those tools or skills?

That being said, be aware that the situation you find yourself in, is in direct correlation to the choices you have made, and as a result create the specific set of challenges  which are going to help you grow and learn, and define yourself or being in a new and better way.

So to resist or go against the challenges you have indirectly set up in your life based on your very choices, is to go against yourself, create unrest, dissatisfaction, anger, frustration, and  misery.

What you resist, will persist. Be aware of that. See if it has not been so in your life.

In fact, I have a friend, who suffers from Lupus, and she has been working on growing herself in every aspect of her life.  She admitted to us that she used to have such a hard time with her disease, until she accepted the fact that she has a disease- the disease does not have her.  This is when the disease became  manageable and she was able to do so much more with her life,She  admits that sometimes she gets frustrated when it flares at the worst times, however when she accepts the situation- and gives her body the rest it needs, her recovery is much faster. 

The challenge is to accept that what is in front of you , “IS what it is” and is the challenge you must deal with, and  accept it and choose how you want to deal with it.
When you do this, you are able to look at the situation from difference angles and then are able to see the best way to approach the situation.  When you don't accept the situation, you refuse to see what is there and blind yourself to any possibility.

So I challenge everyone to try this for a day- or for a week.  Let’s see what we become aware of, and if it makes a difference in your life, or state of being or calmness... Let me know what comes up for you.

I definitely recommend watching the video.

Here is to the transformation of being all we can be!

~ Q

Seeing the real me.

Who are you?  What are you capable of? (Good and bad).
What are you talented at?
What are your passions?
What are you here to accomplish?
What name have You made for yourselves thus far?
What footprints have you been leaving behind?
Do you know what your impact has really been?
How well do you really know yourself?  These are crucial questions in the quest for self understanding.

What we fail to do, is to consider the reality of who we are, and how we are known, and in becoming aware of that, make the changes to BE with integrity, how we "BE" is how we are known,  instead of  creating an illusion of an image we want.
Making those qualities and characteristics an integral part of who you are, takes work, and would save you the energy of constantly trying to remember the details of the illusion we are fronting. In my case, I have been creating an image of insignificance and smallness. It was easier, and i did not have to be responsible for bigger things- no one had any expectations of me. It was a cop-out. A safe and limited existence. Realizing this makes me sad.

Something that I realized just recently, was that there is one person that somehow, in his being himself, He is able to encourage or coax out of me, the greatness that lies within me, that has been suppressed for much too long. I began to see that I like who I am around him. I don't think he realizes he has that effect.
This is significant.
How does he do it? Is it something he says? Something he does? Yes and No. He Inspires me. I can't put my finger on it- the way he does it; but he does- and without realizing it.
I have spent years being small and insignificant, keeping my opinions to myself, and thinking my opinion does not matter, or they just upset people..

I love to read what he writes, and he tends to encourage discussion and friendly debate and sharing of
 ideas and points of view.  I know I feel at times intimidated, because he is highly intelligent and very aware of what is going on around him - on many levels.
 Being genuine and real helps me to connect to that part of myself that is empowered and strong, and insightful. When I read and respond to the comments on his discussion ( whether his or another's comments) I find am Usually concise and clear. Thoughts and insights seem to come  from a wise place within me- and the perspective I give is often considered and on occasion may influences the conversation. just have to be honestly me-
Now, I realize my perspective is a little unusual and uncommon at times, however it seems to bring a whole new perspective to the conversation.

I feel it is ok to be me, and I have dared to allow myself to be me- opened myself up a little at a time. I have learned to appreciate myself  as me,.. and even feel a stronger connection to the eternal part of me.

I like who I am around him, and that I find myself inspired to be all I can be. I feel blessed.
I am grateful that he is part of my life- and I would like to grow this connection and nurture it.
Hopefully I am able to return the favour in some way.
 If anyone of you is lucky enough to find a connection like this in your life- or even surround yourself with people that see and encourage the best part of yourself... do not do anything to jeopardize those friendships and connections.
 Soon you will begin to see  the greatest and best part of yourself is always present.

Wishing you all the love and greatness through self discovery.

Hugs!

~Q
***

The Powerful Impact of one Man.

People come in and out of our lives and teach us very powerful lessons in our interaction with them. Some people leave a bad taste in our mouths or bring joy and love to us. Whatever the result there are lessons to be learned from both the positive and negative interactions.

I am inspired to write this, because I have a friend Michael, who; by being himself has left a deep impact on me and effectuated a series of events that has changed the course my life was taking.
Simply put, I like who I am  when I am interacting with him. He unknowingly challenges me to be the full spectrum of who I am to my core.
I find I am clearer more concise and insightful when in i interact with him. I see the glimpse of the fullest expression of who I can be. I feel inspired around him, and grateful and connected to love around him.

By his example, thoughts, and discussions, he somehow evoked  and inspired me to think, contemplate and look at different areas and perspectives of life and connect to the REAL part of myself to find the answers within me.
To be honest, I am not entirely sure what it is he does, or how he he is able to cause this, yet the result is real. Something about him, encourages me to be better, to want to strive to be all that I can. I have learned that is it ok to be me, and the importance of the full expression of myself in all my haphazard uniqueness, Does make a difference in this world.
  
 I have found my voice, connected to it and had the courage to speak my opinion. The significance of this is apparent when you take into consideration that before this I was a mouse, opting to stay  behind the scenes and let others take care of the major aspects of whatever is going on. In my mind, me or my opinion did not matter, nor did I have anything of value to share.  I was as close to invisible as anyone can be.
 Through his discussions, the way he presents a topic, or the factual information he provides, opens you to the opportunity to assess and choose. I have found myself taking the factual information and conscientiously weighing the details and impact, and then going into my heart or soul to connect to what feels or aligns to that which is purely me.
 On occasions when he questions my stance, it is done in a way to incite further reflection and contemplation and inner connection and alignment to my convictions. In the past, any questioning of my opinion- in my mind was an attack on me personally, and would have me shut down and cut off most communication.
I don't know how Mike was able to achieve it, but he helped me come out of my shell.
He doesn't even realize how much of an impact he has had on My life,.. and perhaps he is not aware of the countless other lives that he has unknowingly fostered  growth and evolution.

 The result is that I have gained confidence and respect for myself, I value myself  have realized that I do have much to contribute to the world- one of which is unconditional Love. I realize some may think it audacious of me to say so, but I am not saying it just for the sake of saying it. This is something I KNOW about myself.

This has developed in me a profound respect, appreciation and awe for this man, in all his earnest devotion to finding the truth, being honest, creating connections, his belief, discipline, and unwavering commitment to helping as many people as possible.
 There is something about him that is larger than life, and I want to try and describe it. It is as if at his core is something rock solid, luminescent and eternal. Despite the fluctuations on the surface- I can sense or see this about him- wait,..no,... I KNOW this about him. I have no doubt that is who he is- because it is present on all levels of who he is.
 There is an air of mastery around him, and he doesn't even realize it. I am grateful beyond words for the blessing of having our paths in life cross.  He is a person that IS  changing the world,.. by bringing the possibility of change to the inner world of those he touches- and in effect magnifying the impact thousands of times over- through each person he helps to transform, and in turn the people in their lives.

You Michael, are amazing on so many levels.  I don't think I have done you the proper justice.

With love and respect;

~ Q

Lessons are EVERYWHERE.

The Lessons are everywhere.

I am taking part in a series of courses to change and transform my life. True to my nature, I have been slow to learn and adopt the insights and incredible realizations.

One of the requirements of the course is to interview people in your life and get honest and straight forward answers and insights about how your are viewed and perceived. Not an easy thing to do or listen to sometimes, but if you are open to listening, you are rewarded with insights and seeing yourself in a way that had never occurred to you, and realizing that what you thought people were thinking about you - was actually wrong. You also open up a new direct dialogue with this person, and the relationship grows on a whole new level.

I have done the Interview with a few different people now, and the insights I have gained after pondering some of the answers- has opened my eyes to amazing strengths, tenacity, and purpose I had not seen before in myself. EVEN in the mistakes and failures, there were details and benefits and lessons I had not previously been aware of.

For example;
My family has never been very fond of my 'boyfriends'. The fact is, they were all just lovers, and could never become anything more than that. None of them just were worthy enough to meet my family.  I was the one who initiated and ended the relationships; stating from the beginning - without any false pretences- that the relationship was not going to go anywhere serious. What I looked for in a man was not available.
One family member, brought up the issue of my unworthy boyfriends, and I was asked if I had ever got a benefit from being with them.
 I realized in that moment, that I had. What most people would learn or experience under ideal  conditions,.. I learned through the 'photo negative' experience.  I became aware of my own strength, courage, determination, and self fulfilling force within that was going to learn the lesson and get the blessing in whatever situation I found myself in.
 What others would learn through the positive loving and nurturing environment, I found ways to learn it in the environment devoid of love, appreciation, giving, understanding and connection.
I am that little plant that finds a way to fight its way up from under concrete, to break though to the surface and get the light.
 I have currently gained a whole new level of love, respect and admiration for myself, and the perseverance that is within me- to make the most of any situation.

I acknowledge that I have wasted many years pitying myself for lack of the relationship I wanted, yet the whole time I was building the foundation to build the person I wanted to become in the lessons I didn't know I was learning.
So many times I have told people to look for the blessings in all the situations they find themselves in- thinking  I was weak in walking my talk,.. I DID walk my Talk!!

There was another interview I did, in which it was pointed out to me that I had lost the "Drive" I once had to do what I needed to do to help people. This, I knew was true, and so began to consider the possible reasons for why I no longer had the drive within me.
 I began to realize that there was a fear in me to invest time and energy in people.  Every time I got invested in someone; there would be a judgement, a betrayal; delusion; pain; loss of trust that would end up negating and devaluing all the CARE, energy, trust, Intention and valuable time I invested in a person.
 The reason I lost the drive, or shelved it, was a way of keeping control of my time and emotion, and avoiding the pain and disappointment at the hands of others.
 Unfortunately, it is stalling my growth and keeping me from being my true self.  This is something I must be constantly aware of and work to move past it.

I am Glad I am doing the interviews,.. although sometimes the truth or perspectives of another can be hard to hear- it is important to be open to hearing what needs to be heard, so that you can move past what ever is blocking you.
 There is Huge potential to learn so much about yourself and the strengths, insights and lessons that we gain with each experience. Look for the blessing.  ALWAYS.
 I am grateful for the opportunity to be taking this course, and am forever Grateful to Ian and Hope for making this a possibility for me.

SO what ever situation YOU are in, Look for the lesson and learn from it, and you will never have failed. each situation brings a treasure in the form of a lesson. Take IT! The more you see them, the faster you will get ahead. Nothing will be able to stop you.

Also, criticism is not always pleasant to hear- but it IS crucial to find out what is wrong or where you are stuck so that you can get past it to where you want to be. Seeing ourselves from a different perspective will open up a whole new way to understand yourself.
 Here is to your growth!

I have a new mantra for my life;
I KNOW I have what it takes  to be able to create the life I want, and Show others how to get there by leading them Through My example and effectively changing the world!!

blessings to all
~Questamaya

Note: The Course I am currently taking deals with taking the transforming way of thinking and learning how to implement the new possibilities of who you can create yourself to become or transform into.  Also, while in the process of implementing i,t your actions inspire and show those closest to you and demonstrate the changes in you through your actions- that you are indeed transforming yourself.

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love; to hope or not to hope?

do i hold out hope?

Love has been elusive,.. or one sided.

when I love someone , i give my heart, and connect and learn all I can about them .  This is a heavy investment.  Unfortunately it has yielded no results.

Do I bother to put my heart on the line again... there is a terrified part of myself that fears My heart will not recover another disappointment in love.
I know being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is a huge part of life, and without risk you will never get results.
I would like results,.. I would like love, and companionship, and intimacy, connection. But it has to be mutual.
My experience has been one sided- and putting myself out there  i was working too much for it.  Sometimes I created an illusion with the smallest details as proof of mutual love.  Dissappointment always followed.

So I have learned to be detached and laugh at my imagination and its stories.  I do not allow myself to believe that something exists until a direct and unmistakable expression  of love or affection is displayed or communicated.

That is something that confuses me.  There has been no communication of sentiment toward me. I don't think anyone  has ever fallen for me,.. and it stuns me. Words elude me.
 I know I am very loving, without being smothering,.. I know I have a lot to offer,.. I know I am not that much different from the average woman,..  yet I have seen psychos in a relationship,.. ( although I do realise they are most likely co-dependent or some unhealthy aspect to those relationships)

Admittedly I used to dwell on that, feel sorry for myself and suffer the lack of love,... and even though i still would like a relationship,.. it is no longer a priority,,,  I have stopped actively looking for it - ( although there is that part of myself  that is on automatic pilot- in looking for 'potentials'  until I laugh it off and consciously stop the practice).   I am not sure if I have given up on finding love- or just put it on the farthest back burner available.

My situation- it is what it is. Yet, I can not help asking " why not me?"  What is it about me that does not permit this desire to be fulfilled?"  Why are there None that feel that way toward me??
I find myself reminding myself daily - "men dont look at you, they look at others". "You are not what they want". As harsh as it sounds, it helps keep my active imagination in check, and to let go of false hopes, and keeps me from from getting too attached, and involving my heart.

I must keep reminding myself, not to get my hopes up -  because I have been considered the friend or big sister,.. and nothing more.
My heart has become accustomed to beating alone- and usually at its own beat,.., and in all honesty i really don't know IF after a lifetime of alone-ness- if I could even survive or connect to a partnership.
I would not know how to do that,  and I don't know if I would have the patience.
yet as I re-read these words, a part of me buried so deep cries out: 'don't give up!'.
 does it mean Ii have given up?  Or have I just severely de-prioritized it?
to be honest ,  I just don't know..
There is one person I think of constantly, and who he is amazes me every day- I want to learn more- everything about him. IF Being open about how I feel would risk the connection I have now, I don't think I could bear to lose the one Person that challenges me to think and go beyond the comfort zones, and in doing so brings the real me to the surface.  That is it. He inspires me to be the real me- and not what everyone else wants me to be. Maybe it is selfish- but that is not a connection I can lose. I am Grateful for having him in my life.
so, do i risk all, and reveal my feelings? The fear I feel is incredibly strong, as it embodies so many years of disappointment in Love. This fear is something I must face. I have to go with the flow- and the discussion of the moment.

i guess time will tell, ... or not.

  ~Questa

The power of Your WORD; Are you committed to it?

the power of your Word.

I have recently been learning- on a whole new level- what it really means to be committed to your dreams, to your values, and especially to your Word.

Most people do not realize the power that there is in your word- especially the act of respecting and keeping your word. When you promise something and fail to uphold that promise- you stop believing in yourself, and trusting yourself.
The one thing we Can Not escape from is ourselves, and we know when we are lying or pulling the wool over peoples eyes. That is why people are so miserable.  A s much as they want to hide the lies, they know what is real and what is false.  When someone refuses to trust others, it is because they are reflecting the very essence of what or who they are.  They themselves can not be trusted, and instead of looking at why they dont trust themselves,  they look for other people to accuse of being untrustworthy. The bible mentioned this in the verse that speaks of " looking for the sliver in the eye of another when you cant see the post in your own eye".
 Sometimes people reveal more about themselves in what they see or look for in others.

The effect of making the Commitment to keeping you word, builds a self respect, a confidence that is unshakable- not to mention self-discipline, focus and a trust in yourself. You really feel good about the fact that something you set your word to came to be, by your own will and your commitment to make it become a reality in the world.  Your word has that Power.
 Have you ever considered how carefully you would have to choose your words is everything you say came true?
 What you say is SO important, and so be selective of the words you use.  Speak in a way that builds not destroys.
When people see that  you honour your word, they respect you, they trust you and they will follow you.
When the UNIVERSE sees that you honour your word, it respects your word and as a result what you say becomes powerful, and comes to pass.
 Ever wonder why some people seem to say something and they get what they want?  It seems to come to them so easily?  That is the universe respecting a person's word and their commitment to the word.

How well do you keep your word?  Do you honour your word by being on time?  By doing what you say your will do?  By letting people know that you are not able to be on time?  Is your commitment to keeping your word rock solid- or do you make promises frivolously?
Have you ever considered what the impact is on you when you don't keep your word? You know you don't intent to keep the promise- and you lose respect for yourself little by little.  People begin to notice that you don't follow through and they begin to lose respect too.
There is truth in the saying; "people learn how to treat you by the way your treat yourself."

If you don't respect yourself it gets expressed through the way we live and treat ourselves, and how we treat others.  Usually we look for the same traits in others and then try and expose their shortcomings before someone exposes or sees yours. You do it - you just don't realize you do it. It is something we learn to do through our interactions, from a young age.

How do you change it so that your word is respected?
 Be honest.
 It always starts with honesty. Be honest with yourself, and with others. If you dont take people for a ride they will appreciate it. Then, after awhile they will begin to trust you, and then they will respect you.
It will take time, and there will be times you slide backwards, but the effort is worth it. You are worth it.
It means believing in yourself, trusting yourself,  honouring yourself; defining yourself; making your dreams come true; being a person of  your word;  is Empowering yourself.

It means making choices on the day to day events and decisions and actions that serve to create who you want  to become.

Having a Commitment to what you believe in- It makes all the Difference

Here is to your commitment to YOU.

~  Questamaya

Complaints block possibilities! What Possibilities you do you want??

What if millions of  Possibilities are available to you?  Why don't you see them?

Ask yourself this... what is it that you want to achieve or have in life?   Is it important to you?  are you committed to making it happen?  Are you having trouble making it happen?

there is something that is holding you back from accomplishing what you want to do. Do you complain about not getting what you want?
Everyone, in every walk of life, has complaints. We all experience things that irritate us, anger us, hurt us, resist us, or just don't go as per our expectations.
When you complain; you are letting the very thing that you are complaining about have power over you.

 In a book called The Power of Now; Ekhart Tolle wrote :
  
" See if you can catch yourself complaining in either speech or thought about a situation you find yourself in. What other people say or do, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. See if you can catch yourself complaining. For to complain is always non-acceptance of what is and it invariable carries an unconscious negative charge". 
  
  
Complaining is a method of putting yourself in a powerless position.  When a person complains- they  make themselves a victim- and are not owning the result or the actions they took or did not take that created the result.
Consider this;  If you are committed to making something happen or to achieve something in your life- you do what ever you can- over any and all obstacles to make it happen. If things are not the way you want it - you adapt and push through and on toward your goal. Period. That is commitment!

Don't make yourself a victim. When you complain you are doing just that- and resisting you dreams & goals and the commitment you made to making them happen and to yourself !  Your Commitment to yourself is to give yourself what you want and deserve.  When you utter or think a complaint you are negating your dreams!!!!  YOUR COMPLAINTS NEGATE YOUR  DREAMS AND GOALS.
Let that Sink in!!!!

Complaining is a form of giving away your power! Your are;
 a)crushing your desires by negating them; and essentially saying that they are not worth fighting for - and your are not worth the effort to make your dreams come true.
b)You are giving your victimization priority over getting what you want. so you will need to ask yourself- are you really committed to the goal? If you are, put the goal as the priority- not the complaint.
c) You negate your own power and let the problem be more powerful than you.
d) It is creating a mindset that says you are not worthy of receiving the goal-  and going against the dream of having that wish fulfilled.
e) You are creating a imagined Drama! You are making a problem out of a mole hill- when it is not really a problem at all!  You create a Block and block yourself from getting what you want!! Get out of your own way!!!


I realize that some of these may be repeated a few times- That is because sometimes explaining it from a different angle helps to make the concept click with you- and you see it and how it affects you. Also, there are  subtle aspects or facets that may be similar- but are also just as important to distinguish!.

Complaining has no positive effects. it is a lose; Lose;LOSE situation! You have three choices; you can leave the situation; change the situation; accept it as it is;  and realize that you have the power to dissolve the complaint that does not serve you in any way.

I challenge you to catch yourself in the complaining,  and consider- what are you not willing to make a commitment to- and are deflecting  the blame  for?
Ask yourself these questions:  What am I really complaining about?  Find the real source of the complaint- what does it stir up ? and what you are not willing to act on?

When you are able to get the complaints out of the way- so they don't distract you- and you face the feeling or thought courageously that which the complaint is actually attempting to mask or deflect attention from- you will be able to see the possibilities when you eliminate the cloudiness that was caused by complaints.

Try it and see what you begin to notice..

here is to your Courage!

Questamaya