Pushing past my comfort zone.

Today, I took a step to facing one of my biggest fears;
  Public speaking.
The fear of being judged, being exposed, and making mistakes, and simply being vulnerable in front of others, was hard for me.
 I had volunteered to do the MC duty at work, and I had been practicing  for months, and refining my version of the script we use.  Today, when the opportunity presented itself, i took it and did it without thinking.

I started out ok,  I was please that the crowd responded to my prompts for interaction.  I did hesitate, and forget my place a couple of times, but i pushed my way through it, despite feeling a shaking sensation within. I don't know if it was a shakey voice, a shaking ego, or  a deep trembling in my breath - and it almost felt like i could not breathe, and I continued to push through- I was determined to finish what I started.
 Apparently, every said I appeared calm on the outside, and I remember a few faces - almost seemed to be counting the points i hit, and the office manager seemed to be like he was on the edge of his seat- about to fall off- expcept for the fact that he was standing. He had his hands clenched in front, and he was leaning forward, and you could see he was rooting for me to do well.
  At the end, everyone seemed Impressed, i got a round of applause, and accolades.
I t felt good, and I was releiueved it was over, but proud of myself for having gone through with it.
People even congratulated my Trainer for " having his baby growing up in the business".
 Unfortunately, he was the one person that did not say anything to me, or congratulate me. I don't know what his problem or issue is, but it is unfortunate that he reacts that way.

\I wanted to address the emotion that cam up after it was all done and said. Something deep wihtin me felt shaken and grateful for having completed this small feat- and at the same time it brought up some emotions dealing with an old paradigm of thinking in which I tried to stay as invisible as possible in crowds, and avoid standing out.  This reaction was unusual and unexpected- yet completely understandable.
 Even though  the emotion surprised me, I let it come to the surface, and by doing this, i faced it and  I allowed it to disipate and release/disolve. This fear lost control of me.

By facing a fear, i pushed through my comfort zone, and realized my fear is not all as serious as I had thought. I feel relief, and eager to face the next fear. By facing my fears one by one, i want to move forward in my life, and get out of the rut that playing it safe and comfy has gotten me in. Each of these fears is something that holds me back from being all that I can be.

I am proud of myself, for taking this step, and pushing through the uncomfortable feeling while doing it, and being determined to get through it and complete the task.

I will be honest, and admit that most of my life I have always played it safe and comfy. In hind sight I can understand why, having been in a victim mentality, and having living in a mire of hurt and disappointment in my life.
  However, playing is safe and comfy only gets you stuck in a rut. plain and simple.
When I was presented with the opportunity for this business, I SAW the value and I KNEW that ats scary as it was, This choice was going to get me to where i wanted to go, and reach the goals I wanted to reach.

I am finally beginning to face my fears, and conquer them, and move my life forward. That, for me is a huge accomplishment.

yaaay me!