How do you Cope With Pain?

** note- my apologies for the highlighted section- have not been able to reverse it **


I took part in a very insightful discussion given by three practitioners in the healing arts. One deals with the emotional pain, another deals with the physical and energy flow  imbalance causing pain, and the other  deals with physical and  muscular pain.

They started with asking the group what kinds of pain there were in the world.  Here is what we were able to come up with ( well, as many as I can remember);

Physical            Past           Muscle         Change         Lifestyle          Growing         Adjustment/compensate

Intention          taxes        Nagging          Thoughts        Choice             Stress           Mental/emotional

Frustration         Fear       Progressive     Loss              compassion     tic              Mental exersion

Perception        Perspective      Signals     Heart             Social            Truth          Tolerance/acceptance

Disconnection    Body memory   Beliefs      Cultural         Cellular           Threshold       Responsibilities

Body memory      Avoidance       Distraction    Posture         Victims           Laughter         Language

Nutrition             birth               deception      Love               Jealousy          regret              Lonliness

expectations      anger            comparison     limitations     criticism            healing         adjustment/ growing

stress                 bitterness         sacrifice          judgment      imagined        expectations    manipulation

Communication   .... to name a few.

WOW!!!!!!!

We discussed how each of these types of pain can affect our lives and how each of these are usually a means to learn and grow.

Pain, is in fact,  a symptom of something in our life that is out of balance.  Unfortunately no one likes the pain or discomfort of being out of balance- And  instead of looking at the message that the pain is sending us- to help us see what  in our lives is out of balance- most people avoid this crucial step.

Too many people avoid pain at all costs.  Have you noticed how quickly society numbs the pain we feel- any pain- and tries to make it go away?  Nobody deals with their pain. They just numb it, ignore it of cover it up.

When it comes to physical pain, there is a great danger in the long run of covering up and ignoring the signals your body is giving you.

Consider this. If you feel pain, it is telling you something is out of balance, or needs attention  or time to recover.

When you consider somethign as simple as being sick with the flu, too many people keep working and medicate themselves to avoid feeling the discomfort of the illness.   What could take 2 day to recover from with plently of rest and nutritive foods, is usually drawn out for weeks, as a person continues to burn the candle at both ends and get as much as possible done.   Their bodies are PLEADING with them to rest and get some sleep because the body is being run down to dangerous levels.

 In some cases, physical pain that signifies a symptom- such as a headache and dizziness- but they prefer to pop some aspirin, and keep doing it for several months or even years because the pain is an inconvenience.  Years later they find that it was a symptom of a lesion or tumor that has now grown to  a fatal level and a point where nothing can be done.

  Whether it is a headache, a continuous pain in the leg;  or jittery heart palpitations, that could be a simple thing or signs of something more.  My point is, that the avoidance of pain can end up being more harmful in the long run, than it would to deal with it immediately.

 There is a side to pain that connects you to who you truly areas well.    when you notice a pain and pay attention to it, and what type of pain you are feeling ( stabbing? throbbing; aching; radiating:??)  and consider what event preceded the pain, sometimes you are able to understand what the pain is trying to tell you.  In some cases you are able to distinguish by the type of pain you are feeling- exactly what is happening in your body.  This is how I was able to learn how a specific headache pain, was a sign that something was upseting my stomach- and causing a headache.

In the process of paying attention to the pain you begin to understand and learn more about your body and what it is trying to tell you.  Our bodies are trying to communicate with us all the time. Yes, ALL THE TIME.

  There comes a point , that if you ignore the signals long enough, the consequences will be beyond the point of no return.heart palpitations, and dizziness.

Consider someone who feels sharp pains in their abdomen every once in a while.  Occasionally they feel weak and faint, or occassionally dizzy, but they don't consider that the symptoms may be linked. Instead they see the symptoms as annoying, and just take medications to get rid of those uncomforatable symptoms becasue it gets in the way of their plans- and they believe they don't have time to deal with the discomfort.   If people took the time to consider and listen to what is happening to their bodies, and why they may be experiencing the pain- iany problems could be found earlier on, and would save them alot  more time and hassle of time in the hospital, when the disease grows to a point where it has seriously affected their bodies, and surgery, therapy and more healing time is needed.  Has anyone stopped to consider such ailments like stomach ulcers, are more than often misdiagnosed by the patients themselves as simple heartburn? Actually, speaking of heartburn, This is the perfect example of abusing the body by ignoring the messages your body is sending you.  Heartburn is  one way that your body tells you that something does not agree with your body and does it harm.  Your body is telling you- NO, to that particular food. People would rather ignore the message their body is telling them, numb the pain, and continue doing what is harmful to them. Does that make sense?   Wouldn't that be the same as sticking your hand in a boiling pot of water, not liking the pain- giving yourself a local anesthetic to your arm so that you could continue to put your hand in boliling water? You may not like tha pain- but it is telling you that this is not a good situation.  Why would you be surprised when you lose the  use of your hand?

 Another area that I have noticed in society, in which pain is not properly being addressed is in the area of coping skills. I see that it starts with the children, and as they grow up with out learnign how to cope- and adapt- they grow up angry and violent. Incidents such as Columbine high schools and other shooting incidents like this have to some degree become all too common.

 There is a combination of bullying and an inability to deal with the emotions and anger that it generates withing the targets of the bullying.  The bullies are imitating and doing what they experience in their lives, not knowing how to react or cope with the bullying, they redirect their anger and bully others.

 The victims of bullying, usually if lucky can be  given superficial words of advice, but are usually left on their own to figure it out.  Thus, they end up looking at sources such as movies and on-screen images of tough guy heros to find solutions. 

So how do we teach these kids to find their way and learn how to cope the things that life throws at us? Do we know?  Why do some people not knbow how to cope with this pain, while others manage?  Do we know were to learn these skills? An even  better questions is: do we take the time to learn how to cope? 

Another way of numbing pain, has become a socially acceptable. Too many people go through life in a viscious cycle of numbing themselves to the unhappines they feel in their lives.  Some people go through life working and drinking themselves into numbness every chance they get.  Others are permanently on medication like anti-depressants or uppers - or a combination of both. This is something I don't understand, and I will be the first to admit I don't have the qualification to say not to take those medications- because I do know that everyone and every situations is different. for some- it is .  I do believe that there are other ways of treating the  emotional pain that one can find entering their lives from time to time that DON'T involve medications .  I can Tell you that I experienced depression for several years in my life- and I still occasionally find that the emotional pain tries to come back. I also realize that when that happens, I must pay attention to an area of my life with which I feel unhappy with, and that I need to rebalance.   

The questions we must keep asking are again; What can we learn from pain?  Why do we avoid the pain instead of dealing with it when it comes up?   And as mentioned earlier:    >>>>>>-

So how do we teach ourselves to how to cope the things that life throws at us? Do we know who to ask, and where to look? Do we actually TAKE RESPONSIBILITY fo rhte pain that has shown up in our lives, as a result of our mis- management?     this is a very important question. I see alot of people that are all too eager to blame others, or not make ourselves such huge vicitims in our own minds.

  Why do some people not knbow how to cope with this pain, while others manage?  Do we know were to learn these skills? An even  better questions is: do we take the time to learn how to cope? 

Each of these areas I would really like to go into further detail, but for now , I just wanted to  bring to our attention the importance of pain in our lives.

Ultimately, if we don't ignore the presence of pain, it can serve as the catalyst for change, the motive to move in a different direction, and the vehicle for growth.

 For this reason, pain is a good thing, and I am grateful for the lessons it brings me. Admitedly- it sometimes takes me a while to appreciate and see the good in it, but I always strive to do that. When you do that - you grow.

I wish everyone the endurance, insight and motivations to learn and  grow and become even stronger and bigger on a level that no one can touch- or take away from you.

All my love

~ Questa

Confidence through knowing-(BEING A work in progress)

A recent confrontation by a person- left me stunned and helped me grow in confidence.

There are people in life that will make accusations, without foundation. When they are directed at you, that type of attack will, in most cases, get anyone's defensive mechanisms up. It is important to be able to intercept the automatic defensiveness, and just listen to the acusation.
 Once you realize that defensiveness will not get you anywhere ( except feeling altered, irritated and in a bad mood), but when you react defensively, you just miss the opportunity to learn and be present in the moment and be open to the guidance of your heart that will help you gain clarity in the midst of the attack.
 The only way I can think to describe it, is like being in the peaceful eye of the storm, from which point you have the advantage of a new clearer perspective, and feel bathed in a complete sense of peace and confidence- because you Know that what is being said is wrong, or is mistaken, or is coming from a lack of understanding or just plain ignorance.
In the midst of the situation, you feel calm and almost smile at the realization that you are above the foolish or irrelevant attack.
 That same guidance of your heart, can help you understand  and see the reality of the situation- any situation really.

The next time you find yourself in the midst of an attack, try and fight the urge to lash back- because when you do that is when your ego rears its head- and puts up the defensive walls that keep you from truly seeing the bigger picture- and gaining the insight you need to learn and grow past any situation.  That reactive side of ourselves is only good for when the fight or flight insinct protects us from REAL iminent danger- a life or death sitaution.

 Confrontation is not a life or death situation. That reactive response is not needed for simple social confrontations. If we are able to control that reactive side- we can really start to connect to that peaceful clarity that is within us.
 If you can learn to be really honest with yourself- you will be able to take the truth out of what is said and discard the rest- KNOWING that the rest is just not true- and has no foundation to even affect you.

How can you do this?  How do you get to a position where you can have that clarity and knowing of what is true and not true. This is what I have learned so far, and if what I have learned can help anyone else, then I am grateful.

1) Know yourself.  Be honest to a fault- knowing yoru strengths and weaknesses will give you a strong leg to stand on
   when someone attacks with accusations.  When you know yourself, you feel a peace and security in the midst of any
   attack that no scathing words can rattle or touch you.

 2) Consider the source of the information. Is it someone you respect, or someone who has a history of difficult 
    interactions? Are they controlling , manipulative and agressive, pushy or kind of delusional?

3) People will give you hints to what they are really about in their core. Observe them. If someone admits to major distrust, anxiety attacks- misleading information, lies, like to create drama- or have  trouble sleeping - it is a sign of need for control and a tendancy to manipulate a situation to their favor.

4)  Just because you listen to what is being said, does not mean that you agree with it or that it is true.

5) Consider  whether or not the issue is based on fact or a twisted perception- designed to create a drama in which they are
     a victim.
6) Develop a sense of justice and fairness- based on truth and fact- be able to face and take criticism. It takes a strength and courage to be able to face and admit to things about yourself that are not pleasant.

I am far from perfect, and I still make many many mistakes. I don't always say the right thing, usually end up with my foot in my mouth because what I ment to say did not come out right,  my actions are misunderstood, have not always been successful at what i do, and a wide variety of other short comings.
 That is ok. I am ok with it (for the most part). I can still be hard on myself for mistakes I make, but I remind myself that I am a work in progress, and i am constantly learning and growing.
 As long as I am aware of the things that I want to change in myself, then I am able to change those thing about myself and redesign who I want to be.

Heres to gaining self knowledge, and learning through the human experience.

Hugs to all!!

~ Dragonfly